my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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