You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
