u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
