I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
