Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
