Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
