So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
