Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
