i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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