I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
