K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
