apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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