i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had sex on a roof
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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