god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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