I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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