i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
