dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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