On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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