Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
