This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
