Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
