he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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