I hate your face
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
