so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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