And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
