We won't sleep together?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
