you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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