i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
