Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
