Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
