my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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