last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
