oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
