i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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