Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
