Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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