my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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