Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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