I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
