Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
