Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
