It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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