I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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