apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize