we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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