I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
