so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
