i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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