I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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