clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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