your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
