I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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