the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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