It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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