Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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