I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
