so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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