Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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