I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
