Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
