i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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