Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
