Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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