Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
