He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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