Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
