I hope mine doesn't look like that
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
