she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
