I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
